Well, life goes on doesn’t it. My computer is not being very cooperative – well not the computer but the wifi is not working well. Cannot get a signal from where ever it comes from. I might have to go to the library to send this. Two at once…
I love being up here in the country. It is peaceful and quite. In the back of the house I don’t hear the traffic on the road. I can sit up here in my loft and just think, read, meditate in my quiet space. What a good place to be.
Lately I have been struggling with life in general. There are directions I really want to go in but I am not sure if they will be good for me. I feel this pull to draw back on everything I do and everyone I know. Direction is missing and the struggle to make decisions so hard. If I ask myself where do I want to be in a year the answers evade me. Do I want to be helping to write a major grant? Do I want to be on an island somewhere by myself?
Family has always been important to me. But I realize that so much of what I am looking for comes from my childhood and does not really exist. One day my cousin Mary told me she use to be so angry about our family when she was young. I was surprised until she explained that our grandmother use to say things to her like “Why can’t you be like your cousins in Seattle or Buffalo?” Seems Mary’s perception was that my mother’s friendly positive letters made Grandmother compare the cousins in town to us. Not realizing that my mother only wrote good news in her letters. I can see that could be pretty bad for those who saw grandmother all the time and who’s fathers’ had coffee with their parents every morning and gave her the update on all their kids goings on including the not so pretty stuff. It all made sense once I read it.
Then another time one of my cousins told me they thought we were the “well off” cousins. I nearly fell over laughing with that comment. If we were well off we did not know it. Our mother made our clothes, we had no help coming in to clean etc. and we did not get allowances. We were not poor I know but we never went on fancy trips or bought really nice things. So never could figure out where that impression came from. I thought some of my cousins were really well off but did not think about it enough to ever talk about it. We all seemed pretty equal to me when it came to money as far as I can tell.
Perception of others gets really weird sometimes and I believe that during this election season it is more true than ever. I have a hard time understanding people who think Donald Trump is going to bring us back to the 60’s. Factories are nothing like what they were back then. They don’t need the same number of workers. What we do need is electricians and plumbers and people who can fix up a small job in a house. The shortage of those kinds of workers is parent’s insistence that their children get a college degree whether the kid wants one or not.
I have a relative who blocked me from Facebook because of the political things I was posting. Back when the current president was being sworn in, some of my black friends took their mothers and grandmothers to DC to be there for the historic moment none of us ever thought we would see in this country. I wrote a note about how moving it was and how touched I was. I got blocked by the same relative because I might be influencing other family members. One really has to wonder.
But again, I wish someone could tell me how you go back in time. How with all the kinds of changes that have taken place in society do you return to “the good old days’. In reality those good old days were only good for white men in this country and the very rich. Actually maybe we could go back to taxing those who make over $500,000 at 75% like the good old days.
Back in the 60’s women stayed home. That is not going to happen either. Women want to have careers. What we do need is to have generous maternity/paternity leave so parents can stay home and take care of their children for longer than six weeks. That is good for companies as well as for employees who are upset and worried when they have to leave a tiny baby in the care of a stranger. So again, women in the work place is not going to change.
As for immigrants, for years no politician has been willing to fine corporations for employing undocumented aliens. If there were no jobs then the people would not come. And if those big farms and corporations all of a sudden said “no more jobs for you guys” who would they hire? Parents want their kids working in jobs that will give them experience in the jobs they hope to have after they get that diploma. Would a laid off engineer want to work in the fields 10 hours a day? I just cannot see it. I agree a guest worker program would beat having those people come here, pay taxes and never benefit from those taxes and always be looking over their shoulders.
Splitting up families where there are American born children and undocumented parents is wrong. There has to be a way to figure it all out.
This election appears to be splitting up families and putting divides where they never have been before. Although I will admit when the current President was running the first time I was horrified by racial comments I heard in my work place. They were vaguely veiled but hardly. And the day the President was elected when the Speaker said they would do everything in their power to see that nothing was accomplished I just about fell over. I am not a Democrat or a Republican. There are things about each party I don’t like so I vote based on the person and the platform each time. But over the last 8 years the Republicans have lost me. And now this year I am totally disappointed in their leadership. How can they have allowed this man to get so far in the election process? He just cannot help himself, he is so nasty and unpleasant I can see nothing but a world war with us as the total target coming about if he is elected. He is working so hard to alienate everyone in the world. And this weekend again he tweets something from a white supremacist site. They guy keeps putting out racist stuff and then playing dumb.
But then always trying to see the positive I still have this sneaky thought that this is all a sham. Trump took a bet – a big one – from a friend of his about 6 years ago that he could run for President and say anything and everything that would get anyone else tossed out but that in the current climate he could succeed. And that if he did he would surprise them all by taking the oath and then turning out to be okay, not believing most of what he said that he would actually do the right things to make this country acceptable. Or is this a dream or wishful thinking? One can wish, can’t they?
But back to not knowing my direction. I really think if the country goes to hell in a handbasket the best answer I could have would be to run for the hills – over the border. Just to be away from all the nastiness. Life is to short, especially at my age to have to live with this kind of nastiness. I am glad to be here in the north with no TV and limited access to the internet and only the radio.. No sitting and watching the craziness. Listening is bad enough.
I know this is a little garbled because my mind if racing. So going to try and enjoy this summer and not think about this again at least for tonight.