I was on line today and found this article about alleged Native American Zodiac Signs and their meanings. Interesting that they paralleled the usual Zodiac descriptions. It nailed my Virgo husband as the Bear. Methodical, steady, loving, someone you would want around in an emergency and totally supportive.
Now for me nailing it is probably not that positive but the things about Aries were all there. Persistent, passionate, pushes forward all the time in spite of what else is happening. Vain? I am not so sure about that. although I have always said that my physical problems were what kept me honest and down to earth with myself. So possibly I could have been more of a pain than I am. I will fight if I am sure I am correct. And nothing I love more than to take on a cause.
But then I had been thinking about the effects of PTSD on my life formation and am grateful for my personality. If I had been a passive, quiet person my life might have ended long ago. I lived in a house where there were lots of secrets and lack of coping. My mom could not deal with death so when her mother died she just buried her feelings and did nothing to help us deal with our loss. We never saw our parents have arguments and yet they could not have always been happy. Dad was very hard to live with most of the time I think. Mom did not help us deal with Dad’s anger at the Catholic Church so some of us grew up thinking we were doing something wrong. Religious practices were hidden in our house. We studied our catechisms when he was out of town, other times we just hid our books because they would set him off. My Dad was the son of a wild and socialist Minister. I think what ever his childhood was like it certainly formed the person we knew.
In school and the neighborhood at times I was teased unbearably. Instead of my mom teaching me how to cope or deal with such incidents she would go out and fight my battles for me. It was embarrassing not knowing what she had done but that kids treated me differently afterwards. Totally weird.
But because of my strong personality I learned how to keep the focus on others, how to deflect comments and how never to respond to questions I did not want to answer. It was not particularly healthy but it got me through. I fought off all kinds of phobias caused by childhoood incidents. My favorite psychologist has told me my childhood message from all this over protection was that “the world is a scary place”. That would be a message that would give you terrible reactions.
That is where the Bear comes in. He has been the one who pushed me to get outside of that fear and to do things I wanted to. He pushed me to finish my masters degree when I was thinking of walking away like the first time when I walked away from a masters in education with only three credits to go. I finished the second one and it was the best thing I could have done. He encouraged me to travel with my cousin. First trips to New York City and later trips out west. It was so good for me. I can now travel with none or minimal panic. In the old days I would throw up over and over again and still make myself go out. It was that inner drive not to let the fear win. At 71 I am much better than I ever was.
It is time before watching Downton Abbey to add some of Charles Diary. At this point he really was not writing very much each month. Not sure why. Not as much detail. He did get to see that cute little granddaughter of his quite often. Great for her I am sure.
Feb 1 – 1909
Feb 1 – Take Madeline back. Prof Leadbeaters wife comes out to Leadbeaters with Madeline. Come home by ice by Squaw Point
Feb 5 – Get word Kate,Herb McArdle’s wife died this morn. She and baby. (Kate was Katherine Boyle – a relative of Danny Murphy)
Feb 6 – Too stormy to get to Gan to wake.
Feb 7 – Emily and I go to Brewer’s Mills to meet funeral there. No snow all wheels. Fergus and Frank there. All of us go to Donnelly’s.
Feb 13 – Fergus, Frank and Baby here.
Feb 14 – Fergus goes back. Frank and Baby stay.
Feb 15 – A new teacher arrives and is here for dinner a Mr Stevens but he will not pay enough so we won’t take him. He goes to Townsends.
Feb 24 – Ash Wednesday. Rainy day. Usual visitors this month plus Littlejohn’s from Gan. Hannah Green etc.
Feb 26 – Drove buggy to Gan for Madeline and Hazel Bracken. No snow.
Feb 27 – Take Madeline to Ellisville and Bracken take girls to Gan.
March 11 – first time we have had in sawing machine to cut wood. Good idea.
March 12 – Fergus, Frank and Norah come. Lyndhurst boys played Seeleys Bay hockey and won.
March 16 – Got a far of wild hay off the creek and cows liked it.
March 14 – Started to Gan for Madeline but met her coming with Mr Littlejohn just as I started.
March 24 – Joe Bolton and young Chas arrive.
March 31- pet lamb dies.
April 6 – Nets colt born today.
April 8 – Drove the two older colts as team today. Went fine. Madeline home for Easter Holidays
April 9 – Good Friday. We keep it holy.
April 11 – Easter Sunday, Quiet day.
April 14 – Ellen comes home from Gan.
April 19 – Monday – Took Madeline back to Gan.
April 22 – Syrup season over. Gather buckets etc today.
April 26 – Bought Manitoba oats from G Roddick and bag of Purity Flour.
April 30 – Big snow storm.
May 9 – Went to Mass at Lansdowne but roads so bad we could hardly get home.
May 13 – Got word cousins Pat O’Connor dead in Rochester. Leaves 1 son Charles.
May 15 – Fergus, Frank and Norah here and over night.
May 22 – Stewart Willoughby dead.
May 28 – Colt born this morn. Month of planting and sowing. Emily goes to Gan for a week.