June 24, 2015. some thoughts about Father’s Day

I realize that people embrace Father’s Day big time.  When we were growing up my mother told us that those days were not important if you honoured your parents all year round. While we were in School we did the  things everyone did, planted little flowers or veggies to give to the parent on their day and the cards.  It was sweet.

We also told our kids the same kind of message that having a special day was not needed. Sometimes it is nice to be celebrated and what I like the best is the phone calls from the kids, or seeng them for dinner etc.

But as I read some of the postings on Facebook it really hit me so strongly about fathers today.  I have friends whose fathers were absent when they were growing up and then showed up once the kids needs were no longer monetary.  I know those young adults love finally getting some attention from their dads but I also wonder will it last.  Their moms were both mother and father for them and gave up other relationships to raise their children.

Then there are the dads who have new families and have put aside their first children.  I wonder if the children of the second marriage wonder if their dads will stop giving them attention at some time as they see how he treats their older siblings.

I just read before I started to write on the Humans of NY FAcebook page about a man whose father showed up when he was an older teen and the kid was strong enough to confront his father about those absent years and as a result they had no relationship.  The man could not be what his son needed so I think he was better off without the father although I am sure there is a hole in his heart with longing for a Dad.

Last night I was lying in bed thinking about men I know who have been turned away by their fathers.  One fellow in his fifties would do anything to get his fathers approval.  Dad did not like sons wife so finally son got rid of her and married someone else so now he is allowed back into the family.  the marriage was not great because they had both come from dysfunctional families but still, how sad to see that desperate need for approval from a parent.

Other children have lost parents to disease and seeing the moms work so hard to play both roles is inspiring. but I do believe the mom who has been deserted has a harder time with her children. at least with the loss of a parent due to death is something everyone in the family experiences and can support each other with the realities, but abandonment is hard to explain and the feelings have to be so painful.  Why doesn’t my mom or dad want me in their life? That is a hard question to answer.

So I guess what my thought was that parents should stand up and own their children no matter how old they are.  Heal those wounds if you can.  life is too short to end life with those separations and hurts. and to all the great Dads out there hug your wonderful children and let them know how much you love them.

I could not get on line on my lap top this evening so I cannot put. One of Sheila’s letters on here. maybe before I go to bed it will let on.

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