Isn’t that a great saying? I think over the years that is what has helped me to heal so much of the pain of childhood and the hurts of young adulthood. Reaching out to others and being helpful has helped me to get outside of myself and to stop feeling sorry for myself. So much of the hurt and anger is gone. It was a painful journey and at times I owe big debts of gratitude to good therapists and I still have a long way to go but I certainly am not the person I was at 20 or 30 or 40 for that matter.
I saw someone I care about very much this weekend who is running totally on anger and hurt. There is no room in life for caring for others in a truly compassionate and caring way. This person is able to care for those not related or close but for the family and those who need love and support it is not there. Makes me very sad since I cannot do a thing to help this person change. I know that only I can change myself and others can only make that decision to help themselves.
D always says what his dad use to say when we get back from a trip “Back home and broke”. I am not broke but happily I am back home, the temperature is in the 60’s and I am not hot all over. Tired for sure and so in need of a good nights sleep. Tomorrow will be a rainy day so I don’t think I can plug in my car outside. Got 50 miles to the gallon on the trip home averaging 62 miles per hour. Pretty darn good for highway miles. Next test will be for town driving using the auxiliary battery. The former owner got up into the 60 miles per gallon so I suspect the used the plug in battery most of the time and did not go a lot of highway driving. Very excited to see how that will work.
My brother responded to what I wrote yesterday. He had a story of my Dad’s goofy responses to us that hit home as well. “I think it was in 11th grade, I had a Biology class which consisted mainly of the outcasts. At the end of the school year, I got a grade of B for the class. It probably was the only B I got in an academic class. When I showed it to Dad, instead of saying “good job”, he said I should have worked to get an A. I remember feeling disappointment. I wanted praise for getting a good grade but instead felt like “why bother getting better grades if I’m not going to be thanked for it.”
So, yes parents, think before you speak. I could say that over and over. I am sure my four kids could add a list of dumb stupid things I said to them that I owe them an apology for. No doubt about it. I just hope I was not as hurtful as my dad was in his carelessness.
So, on to the next letter so I can crawl into bed. this letter is from my Grandmother to Pat on New Years Eve. This was written six weeks before she died..
Friday, 4 pm 31 Dec, 1948
My dear Pat,
The last day of the year I have been thinking so much of you Dearie and wishing the time to pass till you come home. Mary and Fergie Joe left for Buffalo Thursday noon and are to return Sunday. When we spoke to Norah and Milton over the phone they were so happy to hear Mary was coming & Norah almost yelled when she heard Fergie Joe’s name & said the boys would be wild over it all. So Dad and I are alone practically. No doubt Mary told you about our Christmas and the presents. Yours were grand, Pat. Eileen’s bundle was 2 lovely long pink towels with a green trim & face cloths and 2 pair of green with pink trim & face cloths. You would like them. Yours were more decorated and beautiful as were little Brenda & Maureen’s. Mrs Hill sent the loveliest table set runners, napkins and centre of lovely linen and cross stitch embroidery. Oh I think Mary must have told you all.
I am getting the flowers from Connie & Fergus for Dec, Jan & Feb. so far 6 red roses, two bunches of mums “yellow & purple” On Christmas a lovely bunch in a green vase, white flowers & red trimming and today a pot with 6 lovely red tulips just in bud. Then Helen Ireland’s red roses and Kay Keenan’s pink and Mrs Mundy’s pot of pink begonias. So are very well set and when you are home we shall have some each week till the end of Feb. Our Electric Clock is lovely. I have it on the shelf at the window of the Butlers pantry. Jim gave Mary and I each a box of candy and $5.
Little Mary called me today, you may know she has mumps but should be ready to go to school “Grandma, you know what? I shall see you the first day of the New Year, tomorrow”
Madeline has heard nothing from Arthur up to last night. She had a letter the 18th Dec and he said he rushed to a drug store but did not even get a card, expected to be home Christmas and might see her Monday after but nothing has arrived since. She told this to Fergus Jr. I can imagine how badly she feels. She thinks he must be sick. She had a nice letter from Dick. He is in Japan.
Mary’s purse is beautiful and so is the skirt, Mary was pleased with her “grip” and took it to Buffalo, it was the right size. I was at Mass one Sunday but did not get there Christmas or Sunday. It seems the new oil furnace is on but everyone complains of the cold. So! Dad had two cases this morning so when he was called I got up, took my time and came down and got my breakfast etc. I lay down from 1 pm till 3 pm and then made a small pan of biscuit for our supper. It being Friday. Well my dearie, I hope you are improving. Mary said when you met her in Montreal you were pretty as a picture.
Love and kisses and a Happy New Year, Mother.