I had one of those out of body experiences last night, kind of. I woke up around 4 am and was facing the wall as I had slept. I saw shadows on the wall and wondered if that was my shadow, so I lifted my arm up and yes that part was me but the larger shadow was not part of me. I did not move for a bit for I got thinking what if that meant some stranger was standing next to my bed. What would I do? My heart started racing and my breath became short. I came to the conclusion that my only choice was to roll over and try and see if there was someone there. I could not imagine who would be in my room at that hour. As I rolled over I sensed a presence in the room. I opened my eyes and looked into the dark. There was a little being just standing there, not moving a muscle. I thought, oh dear there is a ghost in this house and it belongs to this room. The being continued to just stand there not moving. I finally bit the bullet and sat up and reached out, I mean really what else is one to do at 4 am.
I touched the little person standing there and it was granddaughter number 1. She never said a word and would not respond to my inviting her to get in the bed with me or what she wanted? She just stared ahead of her. Oh dear, she must be sleep walking was the next through to go through my mind. But eventually I figured out that was not what was happening with her. She went out to the couch in the living room and laid down there. I decided I was so tired and since she was not responsive I would go and climb back into bed. That did not work very well either because I could hear her out there and kept worrying about what she was getting into. So twice I got up and she still would not talk or response in anyway to me. I gave up and got back into bed and agreed with myself not to get up again unless I heard something really noisy going on.
I must have fallen asleep around 5 am but certainly not deeply. Hard to sleep when this child is driving you nuts. Turns out she also got mom and dad up so mom took her out for an early morning run around 5ish. She still did not go back to bed but at least there were other adults up with her. So this evening we have three very tired adults and during the day and evening one very over tired chickie. Makes one appreciate having a Jameson, lemonade with lime. No ginger ale around here but the lemonade is very good.
To add to the fun I took the girls to the Splash Pad at a near by park and they ended up not being willing to do anything there, no water, no playground, nada…. I finally got tired of the moodiness and brought then back home. Only one ran through the home sprinkler. After lunch I gave up and told them they had to nap. That was met with disagreement but then they both snuck down to the living room and fell sound asleep on the couch. I took advantage and took a short nap in my room and then did some cleaning up. Not fun when kids are all moody and unresponsive.
The heat today was way over my tolerance level. I don’t do very well at all in really hot weather. I feel like a fading flower. Did have a great conversation with Talmadge who lives across the street from Ian and Maya. He is a wonderful fellow, very involved in local community affairs. We had a long chat about the cultural issues we as a nation are facing or not depending on your view. The sadness of a 15 year old being held for three plus years in solitary confinement with out charges actually being brought against him in court. And the resulting suicide of this poor man whose life was ruined over an accusation of stealing a backpack. But because he was a poor black teen that was the treatment he got. Our country really is not in great shape when it comes to the treatment of our minorities and poorest citizens. My question always is what can I do? Vote – that means nothing anymore when you realize who is really pulling the strings of our elected leaders. Certain we don’t get what we want from them. I hear from kids I worked with in the past and realize the struggles they are going through with jobs, advancement, what to do if you want to get married and get out of the city and into more mixed neighborhoods where people have good jobs etc. If you don’t want to raise your children in all that poverty. It breaks my heart wondering what can I do to make life better for them. All I can do is encourage them to keep trying to move forward and not to settle. I don’t think their parents settled and I don’t think they should either.
So, back to Aunt Pat. My brother Milt wrote me today and asked me if the family knew she had cancer at this point in time. I remember hearing that they did not, she did not want them to know and she had not planned to return home until almost the end. She knew there was no treatment and that she would die. So there was little for her to do other than make sure she did it her way.
Dr. Fergus O’Connor
Dec 29 – 48
My Dear Pat –:
We were so glad Mary took the time off to go and see you and then on to Eileen’s. We have been uneasy about your health as you know all fall and felt you should have had a rest before assuming the duties of the new position. However as you, like myself, do not do so well when idle we did not insist on it. I think these minor worries that you have – hemorrhoids, cough etc etc all mount up to a great deal in the way of keeping you below par and there is always the element of worry connected with feeling poorly. We do not wish to be too insistant in the negative but think the earlier you can be content to take a real rest the better it will be for you and so for us too. We do not want to be bossy but we do not feel as would be fair to you if we did not offer in ever way to help get you back to as perfect health as possible. I will not say any more on this subject – but any thing you want me or any of us to do, do not hesitate in saying so at will and we will be only too glad to do it.
Love and Kisses,